Lisa Genova explains in her new book, Remember, that memory is a “constellation of connected, linked neurons that can be located all over you brain.”

So many of us think of our memory as a “memory bank” akin to a filing cabinet in our brains, or a video camera recording everything that happens in our life. But according to neuroscientist Lisa Genova, author of the new book Remember, neither of those is correct.

Rather, she says, “Memory is the constellation of connected, linked neurons that can be located all over your brain that represent the sights, the sounds, the smells, the feelings, the information, the language of what you paid attention to, cared about, and remembered in the first place.”

In other words? We remember what we pay attention to. Period.

According to Genova, our brains are designed to remember:

what is surprising and new
what is emotional
what is meaningful
and what you repeat.

(These are all more specific ways of saying “what we pay attention to”!)

So, how can we use this knowledge to our advantage?

Looking forward: Can you influence what you remember?

While our brains are predisposed to create memories around things that are surprising and new, emotional, and meaningful, we can indeed make an effort to remember more mundane things—you know, the beauty in our everyday routine, the little things our kids say that make us smile, the off-the-beaten-path restaurants we loved on vacation…

Because the fourth way our brains encode memories is through what we repeat, doing just that—repeating the stories of those moments—will help us remember them. What might that look like?

It can take the form of journaling (even jotting just a few bullet points will help), posting to social media (yes, what sometimes seems like a mindless time suck can help us intentionally remember!), or telling the stories (to our family around the dinner table, or to ourselves as part of a gratitude practice, for instance). The more we repeat these want-to-remember details, the more we help our brains encode those memories.

Have something you want to ensure you can recall years from now? Repeat it, out loud or in writing, and repeat it often.

Looking back: How can this knowledge help us retrieve childhood memories?

Knowing what our brains are inclined to remember can guide us on our journey of remembering: Focus on asking yourself (or, if you are interviewing another family member for their stories, ask them) about times that were especially emotional. Often that means transitions (moving to a new home, a new school, a death in the family). Think about times that held great meaning (winning an award, being supported during a difficult time). And hone in on times in your life that were surprising and new: Think about firsts (your first love, your first time living alone, your first time…doing laundry!).

You may consider crafting a list of questions that fall into these categories so you can explore them at your leisure. Or you might want to sit down and focus on one broad category at a time (firsts this week, transitions next, perhaps).

And know this: There are ways to activate memories that don’t necessarily fall into these broad categories. As Genova explains, retrieving our memories involves reactivating the neural network, and context is a big part of that. Traveling to your childhood hometown will invariably stir unexpected memories because the again-familiar sights will trigger neurons in one part of our brain that then connect with others on the circuit. Similarly, a smell might call forth memories of a dish your grandmother cooked for you, or a song might transport you to your high school gym on prom night.

Rehashing old times with a sibling is another tried-and-true way to get your memories flowing. Their recollections of shared experiences will never jibe with yours exactly (that’s the fallible nature of memory, after all!), but they will spark related memories in your own brain by providing some context and, yep, reactivating your neural circuit.

So, is your neural circuit lighting up? As you know, I’m always here to help you probe—and preserve—your memories, so reach out when the time is right!

There are plenty of resources for helping you remember on the Modern Heirloom Books website.

Your Journey of Remembering

Understanding how our brains retrieve memories is interesting and, as I say above, can even have practical implications on how we think about preserving our memories going forward. Here are a few more pieces that explore the nature of memory and, more than anything, aim to help you on your journey of remembering—have fun along the way!