Two things no one tells you about writing your own story
Are you thinking about writing your memoir? Or conducting family history interviews with a loved one? Maybe you're just beginning a regular journaling practice. However you plan to tell your stories, first: Congratulations! You are embarking on a most wonderful journey. Second: There are a couple of things you might not have yet considered.
Read on for these relevant—and hopefully encouraging—things you might want to know about telling your own story.
1 - Telling your own story can be hard.
Okay, so maybe this one doesn't seem so encouraging. But I mean for it to be.
Consider this: You sit down with your favorite Starbucks brew and your laptop eager to begin writing your memoir. And…nothing. That blank screen can seem intimidating, and even more so—you have lived a BIG life, so where the heck do you start?
Knowing that the task ahead will likely seem daunting—even to the point of paralysis—can empower you: Start small. Don't think about writing your whole life story, but rather about writing a single life story. Even better—don't even start with writing sentences! I am a big fan of brainstorming memories and ideas before beginning any real writing, so make a list. (I am willing to bet that you’ll begin scribbling lots and lots of thoughts about one of those memories--there always seems to be a kernel of the past that surprises and delights us with its specificity!).
Once you get going, you may encounter another difficulty: How do you share a painful memory? Should you even relate stories of struggle or failure? (Answer: YES! Those stories are revelatory, and they have contributed to who you are today.) The best advice I can give is to be gentle with yourself; remember that no one but you needs to read your first (or second, or even your final) draft; and that, more than anything else writing your stories is about finding meaning in the life you are living--and what better way to do that than to look back at what you have overcome?
“Your life story has a power all its own,” write the authors of Where to Go from Here. “Once you document your life and realize all that you have been through, survived, and accomplished, you can't help but have a fresh view of your worth.” Amen to that.
Make your storytelling easier.
Here are a few resources to help you get past the “hard” part of writing your life stories:
2 - Your family might not seem to care…but they will.
It can be a deflating feeling to offer to tell your kids about your childhood only to have them roll their eyes before returning their attention to the smart phone in their hand. But ask yourself this: Were you an avid listener when Gramps began regaling you with tales of walking uphill both ways to school? It’s a rare thing for the younger generation to pay much heed to the personal history of the older generation. But hear this: One day those stories will be precious to those very youngsters who could not care less now.
I talk about regrets all too often, because I hear about them all too often: from clients who WISH they had asked their parents for their stories, from friends who WISH they had written down the oft-told reminiscences of their parents before the details got fuzzy. So while you think your adult kids don’t care about your life experiences (they haven’t asked you, after all), they WILL care one day—and you can save them from having any regrets by preserving your stories now, knowing they will be welcomed--even cherished--one day.
Write in spite of the fact that you think your kids don’t care—because YOU know in your heart that one day, they will...a lot. (Trust me on this, okay?)
Get your family involved.
Find fun ways to engage your family with your stories:
Here’s one time I gave in to my client’s preferences that still haunts me: Why we did not identify people in any of the photos in their family history book.