No readers, no matter—your life story benefits YOU
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“A story is a map and we the mapmakers plotting the landscapes of our lives,” Mark Yaconelli writes in Between the Listening and the Telling.
Most people who approach me wanting to explore their personal history are motivated by a desire to create a legacy and pass something of value on to the next generation. Whether it’s a full family history or short vignettes from their own life they hope to capture, they’re usually thinking about an audience of their kids and grandkids, or a broader circle of friends and family—the point is, they’re aware of an audience, even if it’s small.
Without exception, though, every person I have guided on a life writing journey has discovered profound benefits for themselves. Even without a single other individual having read their words, those words have changed them.
There are myriad ways writing about one’s life is good, of course. But for now I want to share just two biggies.
2 profound benefits of writing about your life
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RECOGNIZING AGENCY
I don’t mean to get all jargony on you when I say you will recognize the agency you have—I guess what I really want to say is that you are the writer of your own life: You make the decisions, pull the strings, choose the paths…but often we forget that simple fact. We (and I readily include myself in this collective ‘we’) can get caught up in the things that happen to us. “I lost my job.” “I can’t get pregnant.” “My father died.”
Yes, things happen—and despite the conventional wisdom, not always for a reason. But one thing that becomes abundantly clear when writing about your experiences is that how we choose to respond is what defines us.
You will see that you are an active participant in your life—you are not just a storyteller, but a story creator.
In fact, this insight is the foundation of narrative therapy. “With this perspective, individuals feel more empowered to make changes in their thought patterns and behavior and ‘rewrite’ their life story for a future that reflects who they really are, what they are capable of, and what their purpose is, separate from their problems” (Psychology Today).
I bet you never imagined that writing about your life will empower you to rewrite your next chapters…but it will.
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INFORMING IDENTITY
From beginning to end, life writing is an exploration that leads to meaning-making. The memoirist asks themselves questions such as: Which experiences are worth telling? Why did I behave a certain way? How is that part of my life a story?
Those questions may at first seem like mere steps toward completing your personal writing, but in truth they are foundational to understanding one’s own identity, as Phillip Lopate explains in this quote from To Show and To Tell:
“In attempting any autobiographical prose, the writer knows what has happened—that is the great relief, one is given the story to begin with—but not necessarily what to make of it…. Writing is one way of self-making.”
Through your writing, you will begin to understand the value in your experiences, to see them as pieces of a bigger puzzle rather than as isolated events. As the best memoirs mine individual experiences to get at a universal truth, so too will your writing bring your own world view into sharper focus.
The memories that come to the surface, and the stories you write about them, will be gifts to your family; the insights you discover along the way will be gifts to yourself.
It’s important to me to stress some sense of urgency about writing about your life—but I don’t think you’ll have regrets if you don’t write about it ALL.
Boxes of old letters, family photos, and mementos from a generation ago can feel like a burden if they’re passed down without context. What to do with them.
You may think you are writing about your life for your family—to honor your ancestors, to give a gift to your descendants. But the truth is deeper. You’ll see.
When Mother’s Day is hard due to feelings of loss, allowing ourselves to linger in our memories may help (and, yes, hurt). A tribute made in grief, and love.
After we record your personal history interviews, I craft your story and photos into an heirloom coffee table book—not a video, not an audio file. Here’s why.
If writing your memoir means enough to you to put it on a bucket list, please read this—I’ll help you easily move it from future project to present-day endeavor.
Your legacy is more than the assets you leave behind—much more. Here, three ways to leave a personal legacy that has a positive impact on your loved ones.
Ignore those naysayers who warn that you must be passed middle age to begin writing your life stories: Start your memoir now, no matter how old you are.
It’s a common but wrong assumption—that telling one's own stories is “narcissistic” or “self-centered.” Truly, preserving your legacy is an act of generosity.
Recording loved ones' stories is important to most Americans, and yet not even half of us have done so. Here, resources to make memory-keeping easier.
Our memories are anything but fixed—and when stories are passed down to a new generation, their malleability, their meaning, and their impact change, too.
Family stories have enduring value. Some you share now may not be relevant enough for your kids to care. But one day they will see themselves in your stories.
Ever wonder what it might be like to work together on your OWN heirloom book project? Listen to past clients' feedback—and words of thanks!—to get inspired.
Writing about your life can be hard—but it’s still worth the effort. (Oh, and you’re wrong that your family members don’t care about your personal history).
Understanding the basics of how our brains encode memory can help us both remember the things we want in the future & retrieve precious memories from our past.
Dear Tim Ferriss: Have you interviewed your parents yet? It is with a healthy dose of humility & a shot-in-the-dark effort that I say to you: Do it now—please.
Is your life too boring to tell people about? Do you think it's self-centered to write a memoir? Or that your kids don't care about your stories? Think again.
It seems obvious: We should ask our parents about their lives—lessons, loves, adventures, ancestors. Then why do so many of us wait too long and then have regrets?
Did you know that listening to and sharing stories can help us live longer, happier lives? Discover three impactful ways to bring storytelling into your life.
I hope you'll take comfort in these personal stories of vulnerability and loss during the holidays. (Sharing memories about loved ones is always a good thing.)
Preserve your parents’ (and grandparents’) stories meaningfully for the next generation with these three ideas that make the process simple and enjoyable.
Sometimes the idea of telling our "life story" is overwhelming. If we think of memoir as a series of smaller life narratives, though, the way in becomes clear.
The Wall Street Journal reports that a growing number of adult children are interested in hearing more of their parents' stories. Are you among them?
A brave group of Jews secretly chronicled their daily existence in the Warsaw Ghetto during the Holocaust. Only one who knew where the archive was buried survived.
Ever tried to talk about your childhood with your grown kids only to be met with a lack of interest? They might not care now, but they will one day—I promise.
The most memorable quotes and takeaways from family history experts Amy Johnson Crow, Curt B. Witcher, Scott Fisher, and Janet Hovorka at RootsTech 2019.
Thoughts from the 2018 International Reminiscence & Life Review Conference including research challenges, anecdotal evidence, and autobiographical memory.
Family history is more than names on a chart; it's people's experiences that hold meaning. A curated list of resources for the genealogist who cares about story.
Ignoring your instinct to preserve your family stories can be an expensive trade-off. And most of us know this—so we do we wait? The perils of procrastination.
While your memoir is telling your stories in your words, a family tree chart outlining your relationships has a real place in that book—here’s why.
The first draft of your life story is likely to include some stuff you decide to cut later—but should none of your challenges make it into your final book?
Good writing prompts will rid you of blank-page anxiety—and you can easily write your own! Here, 5 steps to drafting a library of personalized memoir prompts.
While a journal called “Memories from Mom” or “Grandma’s Life Story” may be brimming with good intentions, the fact is that most of them remain mostly blank.
While all five of these books add value to any memoirist or life writer’s library, I’ve identified which is best for you based on your goals and experience.
A love letter (or book!) overflowing with memories makes a thoughtful anniversary gift. Here, 14 writing prompts to help you honor—and surprise—your partner.
Wondering if 52 weeks of memory prompts will help YOU write about your life at last? Here, answers to the most commonly asked questions about Write Your Life.
Every week you’ll get themed prompts to stir your memories, tips to write your stories with ease, and more! A unique gift for your loved one (or yourself)!
Sometimes all it takes to get unstuck with your personal writing is paying attention. Here are some easy (fun) ways to come up with journal writing prompts.
Ready to edit your family history or life story book? Follow these three tips from a personal historian to ensure everything is clear for your descendants.
This new book by Ruta Sepetys, You: The Story, is a great tool for those who want to use their own life experiences to inform their fiction writing.
Have you ever thought about what will happen to your diaries—who will read them, how you may one day use them? Join me as I consider this profound question.
Photos that have no captions will leave readers of your heirloom book guessing. Make sure to write captions that either tell a story or provide vital details.
Smells (such as of Mom’s perfume or Grandpa’s grease-stained clothes) and sounds—especially music—can trigger long-buried memories helpful for writing memoir.
Why leave your legacy in the hands of someone else? Try your hand at writing your own obituary with these tips—it just may be the start of your mini memoir.
Don’t let all those memory-keeping ideas swirling around your head overwhelm you. Instead, take some time to hone in on which stories to tell first—here's how.
Ethical wills—also called legacy letters—are great ways to pass on values and life lessons to your descendants. These two books will help you create your own.
Any life story book passed down to the next generation is a gift—but it's an even better gift if it sounds like the real you: Write with your authentic voice.
Research and fact-checking are integral parts of creating your memoir—but there's a good chance that it may be getting in the way of your actually writing it.
I might not have time for the full-fledged memoir I want to write, but I can make time every day for this easy and significant journal exercise—and so can you.
If writing your memoir means enough to you to put it on a bucket list, please read this—I’ll help you easily move it from future project to present-day endeavor.
Want a life writing prompt that gets your pen moving AND delivers a trove of future ideas for your memoir? Here it is—and bonus, it's a fun one!
Ignore those naysayers who warn that you must be passed middle age to begin writing your life stories: Start your memoir now, no matter how old you are.
Sometimes a life writing project can become overwhelming—so much so that we stop writing at all. Get back on track with your memoir with this three-step reset.
Three easy ways to make memoir writing more approachable—and more efficient, so you can finally fit it into your busy schedule.
Do you want to write your memoir but don't consider yourself a writer? Don't worry, there's another—easier—way to preserve them. Speak your life stories aloud.
Got a life story writing project that you've wanted to do for a long time that's just not getting done? How setting a deadline may be the key to completion.
Personal historian Dawn Roode of Modern Heirloom Books lists her most anticipated books of 2022 for fans of memoir and the craft of writing. Mark your faves!
These two writing prompts about family—and what it means to you—may be just the ticket to more thoughtful storytelling and personal meaning-making.
Memoirs by Sarah Manguso, Beth Ann Fennelly, and Beth Kephart each weave together short narratives to create evocative, textured self-portraits of the writers.
Walking down memory lane can be fun, but writing about your life has big benefits beyond that, including making meaning out of your lived experience.